


Baby’s First Felony

by Ladytalon



Series: The Doctors Light [13]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 10:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3807448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all seemed very simple until <i>he</i> showed up. <b> EARTH-14</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby’s First Felony

  
  
She doesn't even look up when he lands on the rooftop next to her. "Go away, Arthur."

"That's not very nice," he chides, sliding over further. She side-steps away from him and doesn't react when he laughs. "What're you doing lurking about like a common criminal?"

"I thought I'd see what it was like for you," Kimiyo says smoothly.

"I'm hurt."

"I'm just getting started. You'll have to be hospitalized once I _really_ get going," she says. Arthur insists that he can't wait to see what she'll say next, and stays right where he is... which isn't where she'd rather have him but as long as he's around she could use his help. Such as it is. "Fine. See that shop over there?"

He takes a look, which becomes a double take. "You're staking out _Madame Trousseau's_? If you're too shy to go in there yourself, I know your size," Arthur leers at her.

"No, you idiot, the _pawn shop_."

Arthur leans over the concrete barrier on the edge of the roof, peering down at the indicated spot. "Well, no wonder you're still working up the courage to go in there. You should've told me if you needed money - I knocked over Star National last week and my accountant hasn't put everything off shore yet."

"You have an accountant."

"You _don't_?"

"Oh, for God's sake. Just go away."

He laughs and turns to face her. "What's in it for me if I go into that pawn shop for you?"

"You get to stay in my good graces."

"I wasn't aware you had any."

"That's because they're on their way to arrest your accountant for money laundering and receipt of stolen property," she counters. "I'm sure aiding and abetting a known felon-"

Arthur lifts both hands in a peacemaking gesture. "Your good graces it is. What's going on?"

Kimiyo sighs, not looking forward to telling him - yet, his appearance is just the break that she needs. "It's a long story... suffice it to say that something was taken from my home and sold to the owner of that pawn shop. I need it back, and the owner knows that I need it back, but he refuses to return it." Arthur opens his mouth to ask a question, and she waves him down. "I even offered to buy it back, but he declined."

The supervillain looks thoughtful. "Let me guess - he threatened to have you arrested if you came back in." She nods, and his eyes widen gleefully. "And _you_ are up here checking out his security system and waiting for him to leave. Oh, oh, _oh_. Kim, this is just...well, just considered me shocked and appalled, yet significantly and wildly aroused. You're going to break the law. Oh, my God. This is too _good_ , I can't believe it..."

He continues in this vein at length, and there's nothing Kimiyo can do but roll her eyes and wait it out. "Are you finished?" she asks when he finally seems to be winding down. She's never going to hear the end of this. "Since I'm saddled with you-"

Arthur catches on immediately. "Oh, no. Nooooo, no. I'm not doing this for you."

"You already said you would," she points out. 

"I'll go in there and case it for you, sure, but _both_ of us will be sneaking in there later. You're not off the hook just because a criminal showed up on the same rooftop," he says, sounding annoyed. "I'm not doing your dirty work. Now, what's in there?"

"He doesn't have it out for sale yet, so I think it's in his back room or whatever staging area that these shops use," Kimiyo says. "Just go and see where he keeps the new arrivals, would you?"

Arthur gives her a long look. "Let me get this straight - we're going to rob the place, but you're not going to tell me what I'm looking for? What. Is. _In_. There."

"You'll find out soon enough, so will you just _go_?"

He shakes his head ruefully and lifts a hand to detach his cape from the top part of his suit. "I'm going." Of course Arthur takes a maddening amount of time folding the cape and placing it _just so_ inside his helmet, but after she refuses to take issue with it he simply shrugs and hangs an illusion of street clothes over himself before teleporting down into the nearby alley. Kimiyo watches silently as the big man saunters into the pawn shop without even looking back up at her once, a feat that must be taxing his self-control to its utmost limit. She waits for nearly an hour and is busy inspecting the seams of her gloves when the jingle of the front door's opening makes her look back up. Arthur saunters back into the alley and 'ports to her side, where the illusion dissolves with a lazy motion of his hand. "You never said who boosted this mysterious and super-secret object from the Hoshi House of Righteousness."

Kimiyo smiles up at him. "No, I didn't." 

He shakes his head, and sinks down onto his haunches to spread a representation of the shop's inside across a small area of the roof using optics. "Okay, behind the counter are two different safes - one's on a timer; when it's closing time, the thing shuts down and won't open again until morning... theoretically. The other one's more common and easier to get into...not like the first safe is Fort Knox, but you get the idea." Arthur spreads his hands apart, and the illusion expands accordingly. "Over _here_ is a door but it probably leads to a bathroom or a small break area - it's much too small to hold any inventory. Now, I checked town records and the blueprints for this particular block of shops indicates that the owner's put up a wall right at this spot - all this space is missing because it was partitioned off, so that's where the good stuff's hiding." He taps a finger in the indicated area, then looks up at her. "There's a good reason why he didn't want you back there, aside from the fact that he'd have to show you where the real door is and how it opens."

Intrigued, Kimiyo leans forward to study the miniature - she's impressed despite herself, not that she'd ever admit it aloud. "What do you suppose is back there? That's an awful lot of trouble just to enlarge a back room." She stares at it thoughtfully, then looks back at him. "Wait. You actually searched the _blueprints_?"

Arthur smiles. "No, I just noticed that the dimensions of the room didn't add up - if there's space missing, that means you've got a secret room."

She suddenly finds herself back in the struggle not to roll her eyes. "Okay, then, how are we going to get in that room? And why were you worried about cracking the two safes?"

"Sometimes it's easy to forget that you're Dudley Do-Right, but then there are times like this," Arthur says with a shake of his head. "Look, you've got this hidden room and not one but _two_ safes, neither of which belong in a shop like this and on a _street_ like this. Whatever's in there, it's being bankrolled by someone on _my_ side of the fence." He drums his fingertips on his knee, staring at the illusion. "Do you want to call for backup, or are we still doing this as a team?"

This has certainly become a lot more serious than she'd ever thought possible. Kimiyo frowns, thinking it over. "Maybe we _should_ go for the blueprints. What's beneath it?"

He shrugs. "I doubt there's a tunnel, if that's what you mean."

"We're going in there," she decides. If they find themselves in over their heads, they aren't teleporters for nothing - a quick exit might be required.

"Wonderful," Arthur says so neutrally that she looks at him suspiciously, but can't quite decipher his expression. "Have any plans on how to get into the hidden room?"

Kimiyo turns back to the light image. "I can't teleport blind and I doubt that you can, either, so...will we have to get into the first safe? If there are two, maybe one has some sort of button or a knob that opens the room - what's so funny?" she demands when Arthur begins to laugh.

"You are. Next thing I know, you'll want to be lowered in from the roof like you're in _Mission: Impossible_! We don't have to teleport _blind_ \- all we need to do is look at the room before we go in. Now besides being unbearably sexy and very, very mean... you're a medical doctor. If you don't figure it out in the next five minutes, you have to spend the night at my place tomorrow."

She sighs. "It's my night to stay over."

"I know. I'm guaranteed a win either way," Arthur says, letting the image dissolve. "Would you like a hint? Do you want to phone a friend?"

Kimiyo sits down, trying not to let her irritation show but when he starts humming the Jeopardy theme she just can't help it. "Why do you have to do that? Why do you always act like everything is a joke?"

Arthur shrugs, leaning back against the concrete. "Because I don't know any better."

"Yes, you do."

"Because if I take you seriously, there's no guarantee of you taking _me_ seriously. Is that what you want to hear?" he demands.

She's puzzled, and makes no attempt to hide it. "Why on earth would I take you seriously? You're ridiculous, and you know it." Arthur's face changes subtly and he looks away, tapping the toes of his boots on the rooftop. Kimiyo watches him for a few long moments before she realizes what he really means, so she moves over to sit beside him. "I take... _this_... seriously. But you really _are_ ridiculous," she says, leaning her head against his arm.

"Hmph," Arthur responds. He shifts and puts his arm around her so that she's cuddled against his side, and his cape cuts the wind enough so that Kimiyo feels warm and a little drowsy. "You can't figure it out, can you?" he asks suddenly.

"Arthur-"

"It's an X-ray, we can just look through the wall first," he blurts out, looking so pleased with himself that she has to smile.

"You are the biggest dork I have ever met." Kimiyo rearranges herself so that she's sitting between his legs, and then reaches to draw his cape back around her before leaning back against his chest. "Now, I believe that we were having a _moment_ and I'd like to continue it."

Arthur groans loudly. "Miko, I can't discuss my feelings in _public_ ; I'm allergic."

"Allergic."

"There might even be hives," he says. Kimiyo drops her chin onto her chest and then rocks her head backwards again, so that the back of her head connects rather painfully with his collarbone. "Ow! Hey!"

" _Feelings_ ," Kimiyo reminds him. “Don’t worry about any hives.”

"Is this going to become a thing? Because I already told you that I love you, and you _know_ I do, but if we're supposed to have a big discussion about it every other week..."

Kimiyo sighs in frustration. "We're not having a big discussion about it every other _week_. We love each other. There is no rational reason why we cannot remind each other - out loud - of that fact once in a while, and when we're not in bed. I simply thought that, since we are here together and we will be waiting for another two hours, we could use the time to discuss what we both expect to get out of our relationship."

"You are trying to make me leave, aren't you? There's just no other explanation for it," Arthur says wonderingly.

She supposes that she'll have to go first, then. "We spend the night together once a week, alternating between that pit you call an apartment and my condo. I think I'd prefer at least twice a week, and a night out every Friday."

"I'm listening..." 

"There could be a _bit_ more effort on your part to get to know my children."

Arthur harrumphs. "They don't like me."

"That's because they don't really know you. They see you as someone who breezes in every so often and ignores them in favor of sleeping with me."

"Kim... I'm just no good with kids, you know that..."

Kimiyo turns in his arms and looks up at him seriously. "The only way to become good at something you're terrible at is to _practice_. I suppose you're going to tell me that you were absolutely brilliant in the very first physics course you ever attended?"

"Well...yes," Arthur says. "Yes, I was."

" _My point is_ , what if we were to get married and you became their stepfather? Wouldn't it be a good idea to make sure you can handle the job before circumstances forced it upon you?"

Arthur looks alarmed at this possibility. "But...we're not married. You don't want to get _married_ , do you? I mean, married to...to...to _me_?!?!?"

"Are you _going_ to ask me to marry you?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Do you want me to want you to?"

"This particular line of questioning is going to become confusing in a hurry," Arthur complains.

"Then just answer my question."

"Which question? I'm lost," he says, on the verge of whining.

Kimiyo disengages from him entirely and stares him in the face. "I have a few, actually, and they can be answered by a simple yes or no. First off: do you intend to spend more time with my children, knowing that it would mean a great deal to me?"

"Aw, Kim-"

"Yes or _no_."

"Fine; yes."

"Next question: Would you have a problem with me moving some clothing into your closet?"

"Define _some_."

"Arthur."

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean... what- how did you - you're making me nervous."

"Is that a problem."

"Oh. Uh, no. No. Is that the last one, because you're reminding me of the last time I went before a judge in a sentencing hearing."

Kimiyo smiles at him sweetly, which makes his eyes widen in alarm. "There's just one _last_ question. Do you see our... intimate association... concluding with marriage and/or cohabitation?"

Arthur tugs at his collar and, despite the chill in the air, seems to be sweating. "This was supposed to be all about _you_ being harassed for your criminal debut, not putting me on the spot," he whines (and it is, indeed, a definite whine).

"You can always go back to...whatever you were doing," she offers generously.

"And miss your very first felony? No way."

"Then answer the question."

"Which one was that, again?" Kimiyo refuses to answer and she won't back down, so she simply watches Arthur Light fidget and sweat. "Um. Well, the thing is... uh...er, um, uh....yes."

"Really? Which one?"

"That wasn't in the rules, you can't ask me _which one_ ," he insists grumpily.

Kimiyo decides that a few kisses might not go amiss, and manages to extricate herself before Arthur turns into a human octopus. She then lets him believe that she's forgotten all about current topic of conversation by changing the subject, and they discuss the Suicide Squad's latest missions - something neither of them is supposed to know about. Arthur can always be relied upon to be up to date with all the newest gossip from Belle Reve, mostly because he likes to keep track of Amanda Waller's whereabouts - he's never confirmed nor denied the rumors concerning an EMP directed at the helicopter "The Wall" was said to be riding in; all Arthur has ever said about it was that it had been an accident. Of course the gleam in his eyes when he said it strongly indicated that it had only been an accident that he hadn't managed to kill her, so it's no surprise that he likes to keep tabs on Waller.

The faint sound of the pawn shop's door opening draws them back over to the edge, and they watch as the owner makes a few trips to his car before finally fishing the keys from his pocket and locking up for the night. "Ready?" Kimiyo asks, peering down to make sure that no one is walking past.

Arthur looks up from smoothing his cape into place and gives her a thumbs-up. "Let's go get your hands dirty." They teleport down into the darkened pawnshop, right next to the musical instruments and a display case of pocketknives. Arthur does a complicated salaam towards the back wall and, when she narrows her eyes at him, laughs softly. "See anything you want?" he asks, vaulting the front desk and rummaging around behind it for a handful of plastic shopping bags. Placing his fingertips on the display of jewelry, Arthur 'draws' a circle of light on the glass before bringing his elbow down on it hard enough to dislodge the piece he's just cut out. "This would look good on you," he muses, drawing out a particularly beautiful necklace that had actually caught her eye earlier.

"We're not here to steal," Kimiyo says, then stops as her brain catches up with her mouth. "Forget I said that - just put it back."

He simply drops the necklace into one of the bags and fishes out a few more pieces. "If nothing but the whatever-it-is turns up missing, I wonder who will be the first suspect?" Arthur asks rhetorically, checking his reflection in the glass and polishing a tooth with his index finger. "Spoiler alert: you're getting that necklace for your birthday. Pretend to be surprised."

Kimiyo gives him a look of disapproval that Arthur ignores, then she turns towards the indicated wall and frowns thoughtfully. She's never done an X-ray on a _wall_ before, but now she can see the usefulness of such a thing - it could be a technique that may come in handy somewhere down the line. Framing a square of light between the thumb and index fingers of both hands, Kimiyo stretches it as wide as her arms will reach. The light flickers through the spectrum until she 'sets' it on the proper wavelength and directs it through the wall; she studies the hidden room carefully to gauge the approximate depth because it would never do to materialize inside the support beams, then nearly jumps out of her skin as she turns to find Arthur standing right behind her. "Warn me that you're back there," she hisses, clapping a hand to her chest.

"Sorry," he says, looking unrepentant. "Ready to go back there?"

"Yes, I..." She trails off as she notices the extent of his looting. "Is this really necessary?"

Arthur shrugs. "Go big or go home. In my case, I'm going home with that couch - I can feel the springs through the cushions in my old one, especially when...you're _sitting_ on it too," he says, waggling his eyebrows so she can't possibly mistake his meaning. She rolls her eyes at him yet again and teleports into the hidden storage room. He's half a second behind her and hovering in mid-air with his legs folded beneath him so that he doesn't bump into anything, a trick he's most likely used before. "So let's get your whatchamacallit and get out of here-" Arthur stops mid-sentence and looses a low whistle of amazement at what's spread out on the tables.

"And here we have the real reason for the false wall," Kimiyo says aloud, gazing around at the neatly packaged and highly illegal meta drugs. 

Arthur counts up the varieties. "Let's see, Miraclo... Velocity 9...5-U-93-R... there's even some marijuana over here for the less adventurous souls who come through these doors. No Gingold, though it's no mystery why _that's_ missing..."

He kneels next to a stack of boxes and begins opening them to look inside. "What do you mean, no mystery?" Kimiyo asks, searching for the object that brought her here in the first place. "Damn it, where does he keep the new arrivals?" she mutters under her breath.

"I saw some electronics by the far wall, next to some sorting trays - look over there," Arthur suggests, rummaging around in another box. "Not much of a market for Gingold. Tastes like shit, and hurts to use it recreationally... Ralph Dibny is welcome to every single gram of it."

Kimiyo pauses. "You used Gingold? For what?"

Arthur looks at her with something akin to pity in his eyes. "You _do_ know what it does.... don't you?"

"Of course I do. It makes you able to stretch- oh," she says, flushing despite herself. "Never mind."

He returns his attention to the search, sparing her from further embarrassment, and Kimiyo finally sees what she's here to reclaim. " _Jackpot_ ," Arthur murmurs suddenly as she plucks it from the tray, and she turns around to see him staring into a case of something. "He's got Kryptonite back here."

" _What_?!?" Kimiyo comes back to peer over his shoulder into the box and there is, indeed, several different strains of Kryptonite packed carefully away. "We can't leave this here for sale, Arthur."

"None of it's green, so I don't see wh- oh, come _on_! All of this work, for a damned cat figurine?" he demands incredulously, catching sight of the object in her hands. "All of this, and all of that about _feelings_ , for that _thing_ , are you _kidding_ me?!?!"

"Forget about that for a second, and start packing up the Krytonite - it's going with us... and was that light on when we came in?" she questions, pointing up at the ceiling where a blinking red light resides. Arthur groans and slides the boxes back in order, then grabs her hand and teleports out into the front of the shop.

He tells her to stay put before 'porting outside and wrenching a trashcan off its post to bash the window in. This time he doesn't even bother with teleportation, but simply walks inside and smashes a few of the display cabinets before running outside... and _then_ Arthur 'ports back inside to join her. "Okay, now we wait."

"What was all that about, exactly?"

"It's not a break-in unless something's actually broken... guy comes back, sees the smashed window and the shards leading away from it. He'll assume someone entered through the window, grabbed some jewelry and messed with the safe, then ran when they noticed the silent alarm was tripped. He's not going to expect that we're still here waiting to see how that back door _really_ gets opened, so make yourself look like a mannequin or something."

Kimiyo smiles. "You're not half-bad at this crime stuff."

"Don't you go and tell anyone."

"How are we going to get the drugs out of here? And what are we going to do if there are more than-"

Arthur claps his hand over her mouth, gesturing towards the street where they can hear the sound of running steps. "Mannequin."

She throws up her own illusion just in time, since the man who'd adamantly refused to return her figurine is skidding to a halt just outside the store. He lets out a few choice expletives as he fumbles with his keys, and Kimiyo has to elbow Arthur in the ribs when she feels him shaking with silent laughter. Despite her stern response, she does have to admit that the creep's haste is fairly comical - especially since he could've just climbed through the broken window. The man finally gets the correct key in the lock and hurries into the shop, pausing just long enough for them to read the label on his personalized bowling shirt, and Frank (assuming he didn't steal the shirt from someone else) exclaims in dismay as he sees the shattered displays. He looks around wildly before jumping the counter and fiddling with the dials on the safe - Arthur nudges her as the catch for the door does indeed turn out to be inside the safe he'd indicated. 

The door swings wide and Frank heads over to it while Arthur moves to intercept him. Kimiyo's treated to the sight of a mannequin dressed in a beret, scarf, and Bermuda shorts knocking the man unconscious with a table lamp priced to sell at the low, low price of ten dollars. "Was that necessary?" she questions for what seems like the umpteenth time. It should just be their catchphrase, Kimiyo thinks. Some couples just have their own song.

"Frankie here just got robbed by his own mannequin, and he's going to tell the police that after you call them," Arthur explains, gesturing to his plastic twin before dropping the illusion. "It's too bad we can't wait around to watch, but I've got a couch to permanently borrow. You do whatever you want with the boxes in there."

"Why am I the one who's going to call the police? Why can't you?"

"It's against my principles." Arthur leans across the threshold of the stockroom and gestures, then comes back to dump the real mannequins off the couch he's claimed. "Want me to take that damned cat home for you before it gets broken?" he offers, narrowing his eyes at his newest acquisition to calculate its mass before sliding a wedge of light beneath it and lifting it off the floor. "Here I was, envisioning some family heirloom like a priceless vase or jewel-encrusted sword, and it turns out to be _that_ thing. We could've had thirty dealers in here with guns, and all for _that_."

Kimiyo heads through the door and sees that Arthur has set up a myriad of red lasers as if she's about to rob a museum. "Surely it wouldn't be the first time you risked life and limb for a little pussy," she says casually. The sound of the couch crashing to the floor makes her smile to herself as she reaches for her phone and dials 911. "Yes, there's been a break-in..."

Arthur appears, scissoring his hands and mouthing the word _no_. She finishes giving the address and hangs up, looking up at him questioningly. “What’s-”

“There’s a police substation seven blocks _away_ , Miko. You do not have time to gather everything and leave,” he groans. “Oh, you are the worst criminal ever.”

“Thank you.”

“This is actually causing me physical _pain_.” He presses the heel of his hand against his forehead for a long moment, then takes a deep breath. “Okay, go X-ray the boxes and find which ones are full of Kryptonite. Mark the sides with a pen or something, I’ll be in to help you in just a second. I need to use your phone for a second, though.” Arthur grabs up a business card and takes a photo of it while she starts sorting the drugs, then comes in and tosses the phone back to her. “We just need to slide everything out in the center like _so_ ,” he says, putting words to action just as Reverse Flash arrives. “Help us clear this out and you can have some,” he tells Eobard.

“No, you can _not_ ,” Kimiyo says. “The meta drugs aren’t up for barter.”

“Wwwwwwwhataboutthemarijuuaaaannnnnnaaaa?” Eobard asks.

Well…. “Okay, but _just_ the weed.” 

The other supervillain nods and takes off with a stack of boxes, and Arthur starts sweeping product into whatever container is handy while Kimiyo slides the boxes of Kryptonite over to where Eobard flickers in once more. “Where exactly did you ask him to take this?”

“Safest place I know… unless that kid who stole the cat shows up at your house again,” Arthur says cheerfully. “Police will be here in less than five minutes; earlier if they’ve got rookies over there tonight.” He tosses a garbage bag full of pot into the air and Eobard slows down enough to snag it while Kimiyo feels like laughing at how they must look, wildly cramming drugs into bags and boxes before the police arrive. When it becomes clear that they won’t get it all even with Thawne’s help, Arthur sends him off with the last bag of weed and starts teleporting entire tables.

There are only a few more boxes to go and Kimiyo starts feeling hopeful when the police announce their presence. They dive under one of the few remaining tables and Arthur bends the light around them, rendering them invisible to the naked eye. “This is so romantic, hiding from the police together,” he breathes in her ear. 

She elbows him in the ribs. “Be quiet.”

The officers find Frank still flaked out on the floor, and the guns come out as they glare around the room. “I’ll check it out,” one of them announces theatrically. “Cover me.”

“10-4,” the other says. “Man, this is so _cool_. You see anything?”

Kimiyo suppresses a sigh, shaking her head. Rookies. Beside her, Arthur quietly shifts until he’s in a sitting position and taps her on the shoulder… looks like Frank is starting to wake up. “Sir, are you all right? Do you need medical attention?”

“Whu…? N-no, I’m fine…” Frank’s eyes bulge in shock upon discovering that the ‘secret’ door is still wide open and there’s not a single thing left on the tables. “ _Shit_. Oh, shitshitshit _fuck!_ ”

“We’re going to need to see some I.D. – are you the one who called this in, sir? Do you know who assaulted you?”

The scene that follows is, quite simply, the highlight of Kimiyo’s week. Frank identifies his assailant as the mannequin that the officers find tipped over behind Arthur’s couch, and all his efforts to get beyond the door are foiled when one of the officers find a box full of Velocity 9. Arthur nudges her and raises his eyebrows, but Kimiyo shakes her head and returns her attention to the arrest in progress – Frank is currently swearing on his mother’s grave that the ‘evidence’ was planted. “This is so much fun,” she whispers.

Arthur looks up from his phone to frown at her censoriously, and then peers out at the couch he seems to have his heart set on stealing. “Gotta be kidding me… now he’s _sitting on it_ …probably getting doughnut crumbs all over the cushions…”

“Shhh,” she cautions as another sweep of the storage area is initiated. This time Officer Doughnut Crumbs gets up to search the place and comes so close to their hiding spot, they can see the scuffmarks on his shoes. Arthur puts his phone away and Kimiyo catches him reaching out to tie the man’s shoelaces together – she reflexively slaps his hand and the noise is loud enough to make Doughnut Crumbs look under the table directly at them. She hardly dares to breathe but he doesn’t see anything and simply belches before straightening back up and moving to another table; Arthur fans the air in front of his face and gives ‘his’ couch another longing glance. “We could go,” Kimiyo murmurs in his ear.

“No way. That couch is _mine_ ,” Arthur whispers back at her stubbornly. “Let me think for a second; there’s got to be a way for us to get it out of here.”

“What do you mean, _us?_ ”

“I helped you get your cat thing, and now you’re going to help me get that couch.”

“Why do you even want it? You were just bragging about robbing Star National, so why don’t you just yourself a new one?”

“I don’t want a new one. I want _that_ one.” They fall silent when Doughnut Crumbs makes another trip around their table, then Arthur turns towards her again. “Okay, I’ve got it – how are you with disguises?” He outlines his plan and Kimiyo begins wishing very, very hard that she had never laid eyes on this godforsaken pawnshop because now they’re sneaking out past the other officer who has finally finished reading Frank his rights and is now taking a self-portrait with a pair of handcuffs. They make it out to the sidewalk and duck into the alley to perfect their illusory clothing – beat cop uniforms from the local precinct. “Just follow my lead and let me do all the talking,” he advises. “We don’t need Frank recognizing you. Let’s go.”

They fall in step with each other and Kimiyo keeps silent as Arthur goes through the door first and whistles loudly. “Quite a catch you guys made – good job.”

Doughnut Crumbs pokes his head out of the doorway. “Who’re you?”

Arthur holds his hands up to show that he’s no threat. “Captain sent us over to secure some evidence before she arrives – looters, you know? Not that anything like that would happen here but better safe than sorry, yadda yadda.”

The other officer, Self Portrait, enters the conversation. “You never can tell,” he says, trying to catch Kimiyo’s eye. “What, uh, what’re your names?”

Arthur gestures towards Kimiyo, then at his own chest. “Yasunari and Sinclair. Listen, we’ve gotta take some stuff in if you don’t mind… apparently there’s been some dealers moving product in furniture, if you can believe it. They stuff the cushions with it and everything – Vice has been after us to pick up one that hasn’t been slashed open.”

“Yasunari? Is that Chinese? I love Chinese food,” Self Portrait says, making Arthur glance down at her quickly before she can throttle the rookie.

“She’s actually from Mordor; that’s close to China, though,” her partner replies. She makes a mental note to kill him later. “So if we could just take this couch in…?”

“Oh. Yeah, sure,” the idiot says, finally standing up and making Frank move to another chair – are they ever going to actually take him in? Kimiyo opens her mouth to ask, but Arthur shakes his head _no_ at her and gestures towards one end of the couch. Doughnut Crumbs has a very thoughtful look on his face, the kind that will eventually lead to awkward questions they don’t want to answer, so they lift the couch up and start maneuvering it out the door.

“Hang on a second,” Doughnut Crumbs finally says, and Kimiyo starts chewing on the inside of her cheek. Here it comes… “Let me get the door for you,” he finishes. They move the couch out with every evidence of calm and Arthur volunteers to be the one walking backwards. “Need a hand? Where’dja park?”

Arthur smiles reassuringly. “Thanks, but we’re just in the alley. We can take it from here.” 

“Well, suit yourself.”

They’re halfway to the alley when Self Portrait yells out in sudden alarm and comes after them, so Kimiyo reflexively teleports them to her place. “I…don’t think this will fit,” Arthur says, nearly falling into a half-empty box of 5-U-93-R.

“Don’t squish anything! You and this stupid sofa need to go home.” Kimiyo drops her end and stands back with her hands on her hips to look at the mess. “I need to make a few phone calls.”

Arthur lifts the couch off the floor and checks to make sure it’s not touching anything else. “I’m surprised you haven’t told me to exchange this for my old one.”

She raises her eyebrows at him. “Are you kidding? There’s enough DNA on that thing to clone you twice and make half a Merlyn.”

“So you’re really saying that _you_ want it.”

“Get out of here!”

He disappears and takes the damned couch with him, so Kimiyo is left with a mountain of drugs with her children due home at any moment. Mindful of all the Kryptonite they’ve liberated, she calls Clark’s home number first – Lois answers, so they swap the usual questions about each other’s children before Kimiyo is forced to describe her situation. “ _Clark should be back in half an hour or so; if you don’t mind coming over to pick me up, I can help until he gets there_.”

“This isn’t really anything that’s on the record,” Kimiyo says in an attempt to defuse Lois’ professional curiosity.

“ _Really, now_.” Kimiyo sighs as she realizes that she’s said just enough to send the other woman’s figurative antennae straight up in the air as she senses a story. “ _See you in a minute_.”

There’s really nothing for it but to teleport to Metropolis and pick up the inquisitive reporter because help is help, and that’s what Kimiyo sorely needs. She ends up being pleasantly surprised by the businesslike approach that Lois brings to her problem, and soon they’re both quickly organizing boxes and labeling their contents – the majority of the vials and powders are discretely covered by the time Yasu and Imako come home from their after-school activities. “I don’t suppose you’d like to tell me how you got your hands on this?” Lois asks casually after greeting Kimiyo’s children with hugs and advance copies of Sunday’s ‘funny pages.’ 

“Not exactly,” Kimiyo says with a smile.

“You’d obviously be an anonymous source.” Lois smiles back.

“I just don’t think I’m comfortable with-”

She’s interrupted by the sudden return of Arthur, who drops a plaque in front of her that reads “Baby’s First Felony” with an engraving of a cat on it. “Check it out; I special ordered it and since they were afraid of me it was finished by the time I got done disposing of the old couch…” He does a double take upon seeing her guest. “…uh, hi, Lois.”

The smile on Lois’ face can only be described as triumphant. “Hello to you, too, Arthur. Or should I say, Officer Sinclair?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lies smoothly.

“I own a police scanner so _I_ know what I’m talking about. Give me an exclusive and I’ll make sure your name stays off the record.”

“Don’t your anonymous sources get paid?”

“Not when I can easily print their names because they are criminals.”

“Then I’m back to not knowing what you’re talking about.”

“You _do_ know that I’m friends with the gossip columnist over at the _Star City Herald_? I love him to death, but he just does _not_ bother to gather all the facts – I think he just makes most of it up.” Lois studies her nails before looking up to see how her threat has been received.

Arthur scowls at her and hurls himself into a chair. “I don’t like you very much.”

Lois winks at Kimiyo conspiratorially. “Comes with the job description. So about that _exclusive_ …” 

The doorbell rings and Kimiyo hurries to open it, inviting Clark in. “Thanks for coming.”

Clark gives her a careful hug. “I’m happy to help. Lois mentioned Kryptonite, is that correct?”

She hastily reassures him that she hasn’t seen any of the green variety. “I don’t know how long he’d been gathering his supply or even what kind of customer base he has, but I couldn’t leave it there.”

He smiles warmly at her. “Of course not.”

In a break in their conversation, Lois is clearly heard from the other room. “So it sounds like you’re saying that this was all _your_ idea and you had no help from _anyone_.”

“It does sound like that, yes,” Arthur replies.

Clark hears the lie that Arthur isn’t precisely telling and glances at Kimiyo. “I’ll just take everything off your hands so that you have nothing more to worry about.” The boxes are cleared out in a short series of _whoosh_ es, and Kimiyo finally lets Clark in on the whole story - most likely the exact opposite of what Lois is still being told. He looks thoughtful as she mentions the thefts Arthur committed to cover up her involvement, and laughs out loud when she describes the scene with the couch. "I suppose he does need a new one," is all he says on the matter.

"I wonder what would happen if the price tags from the stolen items were to turn up with the appropriate amount of cash?" Kimiyo muses, and Clark grips her shoulder supportively.

"I'm sure it would be fine, once inventory was checked."

"I _did_ offer to pay for what was taken from my home," she reminds him. "And speaking of home... would you and Lois like to stay for dinner? The children would be thrilled - they don't even know that you're here."

Clark looks a bit startled by her offer, and she realizes that word of her cooking must have been spread by the same man who's currently lying through his teeth to Lois Lane. "Arthur would love to cook," she says with a smile. "He's surprisingly good at it.... _Arthur!_ We're having guests for dinner."

"What d'you mean, we?" he yells.

They walk into the living room where Lois is making notes on a piece of paper while occasionally side-eyeing her interview subject - she obviously knows exactly how full of shit he really is - and Kimiyo lets him know that she's volunteered him to cook dinner for everyone. "I'm sure you need to run to the store but I think Lois has everything she needs."

Arthur simply looks bewildered by this turn of events, and his expression alters further when Clark slaps him on the back companionably and declares that he'll go shopping with him. "It'll be fun - you'll have to tell me all about what you've been up to lately," Superman says cheerfully.

Kimiyo suppresses a smile at the hunted look on Arthur's face. "Have fun, boys."

"I need to talk to you," Arthur says desperately. "Alone."

Clark smiles again. "I'll just be outside."

"Why are you doing this to me? I don't even live here," Arthur hisses as soon as they get into the kitchen. "Do you know what she threatened me with? She's diabolical."

"Thank you, Arthur," Lois calls out.

"And she has really good hearing," Arthur continues heatedly. "Did I mention that I don't live here?"

Kimiyo reaches up to run her hands across his shoulders, smoothing out the wrinkles in his t-shirt. "You can think about that the next time you decide to publicly disparage my cooking abilities, then. Think of this as a character building exercise. I like your shirt, is it new? It shows off your chest quite nicely."

"I have to go grocery shopping with Superman! How does that build anything but a bad reputation? Someone might see me," he tries.

"Considering that you are one of the only supervillains to know his identity, I sincerely doubt that. Now, give me a kiss and get your ass out there because Clark is waiting."

Arthur snorts, but leans down obediently nonetheless. "I hate you," he grumbles.

She kisses him and gives his beard a playful tug. "No, you don't."

"I love you, but I hate you. But I love you."

Kimiyo laughs and leans her forehead against his. "Was that really so hard?" He looks pained for some reason but she barely figures it out before Arthur opens his mouth. "If you're even think about saying 'that's what she said,' I'd strongly advise against it."

"You have the uncanny ability to suck the fun out of almost everything," he complains.

"Oh, so _that's_ what happened to you..."

"You are the absolute worst, I hope you know that." 

He turns to go and there's nothing that could ever stop her from saying, "Have a _super_ time at the grocery store!" just as the door closes behind him. His answering groan is loud enough to hear even in the living room, where Lois starts laughing.


End file.
